My first blog post… and hopefully the start of something productive and exciting for me to embark on.
I think I’ll use this first post to express where I’m currently at in my life, both logistically and internally:
I returned home from an intensive DBT residential program in Boston about 6 weeks ago. Since being back in London, I’ve been living between my parents’ houses (few days at Mum’s, few at Dad’s, depending on what I feel like and who’s around, etc), and have started working. During the mornings I help out as a receptionist at a family friend’s dental surgery, and during the afternoons I’m a nanny for two wonderful little girls aged 7 and 11. In between the two I have just enough time for twice-weekly therapy sessions, driving lessons, and a breather.
I am currently in the process of transitioning from my old therapist at the hospital I was at as an inpatient before I went to Boston, to my new therapist.
Although I have only been working with my previous therapist for a relatively short period of time, I have become
quite very attached to her and really regret the fact that our relationship is shortly terminating. Having had over 15 therapists, and with my deep-seated attachment difficulties, each transition carries with it both a gut-wrenchingly painful loss, as well as an anxiety and fear-provoking investment in my personal future.
I have had my initial three pre-treatment sessions with my new therapist, and I have left each session feeling even more perplexed and conflicted than the previous occasion. I think that because I still have one final session with my old therapist, and because it will most likely take me a while to detach emotionally from her, it’s going to be some time before I can start connecting to a new therapist on a raw and meaningful level. As usually happens with me and the many new therapists I have encountered, I have begun this process yet again with a lot of judgement, comparison, fear, frustration and doubt.
I think the most vital thing I can do considering the transition I am going through is to self-validate around the emotions and cognitions I am experiencing. At the same time it is important I don’t enable myself to wallow in the feelings, and instead gently encourage myself to practice non-attachment and take the necessary steps towards the next stage in my recovery with my new therapist and the DBT Program I’m joining. I therefore am able to retain a sense of hope, excitement, curiosity and appreciation for what lies ahead of me as well.