I woke up feeling slightly “rotten”, for want of a better word. Sluggish, low and slightly dissociative. However, with lots of Opposite Action and a butt load of Willingness I did what I needed to do: I got up at 9:30am and spent time with a family friend who is visiting from America, showered, dressed, and stuck to my plans despite feeling initially unmotivated and unsociable. One of my target behaviours is engaging too often in mood-dependent decisions and behaviours, so I was determined not to let my mood dictate or ruin my day.
The plan was to head to the football at just after midday with my Dad. We drove to White Hart Lane in our appropriately blue attire, arriving an hour early with plenty of time to attend to the Tottenham-Hotspur-inspired entertainment outside the stadium!
The sun was shining, and we could hear drums in the distance – the music upbeat, attractive and unique. I was with my Dad (my one and only bestest), and we had top seats to the final game of the season!
As we would say in treatment in Boston – I observed a mood-lift!
We ended up spending almost an hour watching the teenage drummers make music with the most awe-inspiring skill and passion. Songs such as Happy, Yesterday and of course Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur were brought to life by them in a way I can’t even express in words. It was a moment of being touched so deeply by the music, skills and lives of the drummers to the extent I felt close to tears. I observed such a pure happiness growing from within me, in response to both the music as well as the young performers in front of me. I was SO relieved and grateful that I had made it to the football, and so emotional being amongst the crowd of spirited, excitable, grateful men, women and children all there for a mutual purpose. I felt fully connected to the world and every single person around me – a rare and beautiful occurrence. In fact I was so overwhelmed with the positive feelings I was experiencing that it was hard to contain the emotion!
I genuinely believe that in situations like this, my BPD-like sensitivity is both an advantage and a blessing.
I made a conscious decision to be as Mindful of this Positive Experience as I could be, taking in each moment for what it was, remaining present and Fully Participating in what I felt was such a joyful experience.
My renewed mood continued into and throughout the match itself. I believe that by being advantageously set-up emotionally through the drumming exposure and enjoyment, I was able to maintain the positive state I was in, whilst simultaneously reducing my vulnerability to any potential challenges that could have arisen. For instance, initially I was anxious about being in such a crowd (last time in one of that size I managed all of 3 minutes before bolting), but I didn’t feel a single ounce of anxiety today! My good mood acted as a buffer against otherwise more difficult circumstances. It felt like a miracle, was incredibly liberating and not an experience to be taken for granted.
My day had completely turned around within just a few hours – and overall it was such a fitting piece of evidence to show the value in Opposite Action (All The Way) – and I most certainly Accumulated Positivites in doing so!