Something old but relevant from my personal diary:
“No matter how shitty I may be feeling prior to contacting my therapist, I always and inevitably end up feeling worse post making contact. She never replies in the way I feel I need her to; I end up feeling resentful, hurt, and even more needy. I feel an influx of related emotions regardless of her responses too; shame for being so clingy, guilt for burdening her, and anger, because she has power over me, whilst I am remain weak and pathetic – a mere limpet.
Anything involving or triggering my attachment-related struggles causes me pain. In reaching out for support from my therapist I am meant to be finding ways to relieve at least some of my suffering. Instead, I perpetuate it, because our interactions trigger my core issues of attachment and rejection, over and over again.
I am going to make a pact with myself; a challenge if you will. From now on I will NOT contact her for ANY reason whatsoever. I won’t contact her until she explicitly brings up this lack of contact out of concern. I will turn one therapy interfering behaviour – of seeking reassurance and contacting her for the wrong reasons – into another therapy interfering behaviour – of refusing to let myself contact her irregardless of the circumstances I find myself in.”
I need to be careful not to fall into old habits.