A Sense of My Self (or Lack Thereof)

I don’t have many friends without mental health experience because I find it so hard to know how to relate to “normal” people. Pretending is exhausting and it requires lots of effort which I do not always possess. 

Sometimes I feel like a chameleon adapting to my surroundings without any real sense of who I actually am. I can ‘make friends’ but the ‘me’ these people are getting to *know* is just an illusion of a person who doesn’t really exist.

Other times I don’t care to adapt at all and end up behaving in a way which fits my BPD diagnosis – one of the only ways I know how to define myself. But defining myself by being ‘Borderline’ in my behaviour isn’t socially acceptable either. 

Oh, to find a balance… If only it were that simple. #intimacyissues 

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2 thoughts on “A Sense of My Self (or Lack Thereof)

  1. I totally feel you. When I imagine myself, I imagine a different person each time I try. The trick is to not worry too much about what people think – only those that really matter (and those are the ones that love you whatever).

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone! x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much I like hearing from my readers (:
      It’s funny because on one hand I don’t care at all what people think and am often described as quirky and unique etc because that can really come across in some contexts, but then in other contexts I can be so paranoid/ mind-reading/ catastrophising/ judging/ over-analysing and this too is all based on interpersonal interactions. Paradoxical!
      Take care x

      Like

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