I am very sorry for my lack of posts; I have been drowning in assignments and commitments and I also have exams coming up in January.
Tomorrow I’m going to Florida for 10 days with my family. I’ll be studying there and also trying to relax as much as poss.
Generally I’m going to try and post more often, but posts which are shorter and more raw and momentarily relevant. I have found a ton of old diary entries and I miss my old style of writing. Maybe I was more creative back then because of the level of emotional pain I was in.
I’m just going to mix it up a little and not try and make every single post solely ‘recovery-orientated’. Writing without happy endings or DBT skills or conclusions, in a way which still portrays my experiences for what they are in a given moment, can still be just as (if not more) meaningful.
As for Florida, I’m scared to go away because I’m a control freak who thrives on consistency, and I find it tough not knowing what’s coming – even if that unknown is likely to be positive.
Also I’m not scared of flying specifically but I do have this irrational fear that my whole family (this holiday it’s family on my Dad’s side) will die whilst travelling; and that my Mum will be left alone in London without us.
As my therapist often says, these thoughts can “fuck off to the fuck it factory”, thank you very much.
Holidays can be a tricky time but this doesn’t mean they always are. I hate that I always assume the worst, because chances are that it will actually be highly enjoyable.
I’ve realised that my mind often thinks along the lines of “it’s better to be safe (assume and prepare for the worst) than sorry (assume and prepare for the best)”.
Imagine if we went around life assuming the best possible scenario was always around the corner. Maybe they should make that into a DBT skill 👍