I saw my therapist in person for the first time today in 5 weeks or so due to various circumstances. I missed her a lot, and the last few weeks have been really unsettling for me in her absence.
Something felt different between us in our session today. Something about her felt softer. I can’t explain it any more than that, really. Our relationship felt less strained. She was particularly gentle.
She even expressed a desire to move onto DBT Stage 2 with me, in order to address my ‘attachment stuff’ (relational trauma), at some point within the very near future. I think it’s because I’ve been effective, despite how painful things have been recently. Because of this, we talked on a much deeper level than usual, which felt strange, and scary. (I’m used to the typical very behavioural approach she adopts with me, despite years of previous psychotherapy.)
She kept validating my pain, much more than she usually does. Any urges I had had to act my pain out through behaviours or messy interactions over recent weeks dissipated. I felt like she saw me and that was really all that I needed.
After I left the session I felt lighter than I have in quite a few weeks. My anxiety had shot down from a 4/5 to close to a 1/5. I was smiling, and I had a bounce in my walk. I even chose to listen to happy music, instead of my usual depressing tunes! It lead on to be my most manageable day mood-wise in a while.
I missed her so much. I am very happy she is back.