I constantly worry that if I’m not available for my friends every second of the day, they are going to end up killing themselves and it is all going to be my fault. I will never forgive myself if anything happens to one of my precious girlies.
Sometimes it’s like I only exist for these people. These friends become my purpose. I just want to save them; I am nothing without them. I want to lessen their pain even just for a moment and even just by a notch – and continue to do so, so moments and notches add up.
When I die I will be able to say I have helped a lot of people, if nothing else. I am a fucking good friend, when it comes down to it. I will always put them first, and I will never stop caring.
But sometimes it takes over me and I lose myself entirely. And it scares me. Like I don’t exist as a person of value outside of these relationships.
I care so deeply it hurts. Is it possible to love too much?