I am in France skiing this week so won’t be blogging but just wanted to check in briefly.
Skiing makes me feel so happy, liberated and full of self-mastery, so I am having an amazing time on the slopes. I am the youngest in my group with all middle-aged adults, and being me, love being the ‘baby’ of the group. I also get such a feeling of power and pride being confident and daring despite not being a great skier (medium ability), simply because I am doing something that makes me tick.
Today 3 people in our group went off piste and I ended up crashing and banging my head whilst hanging upside down and tangled in a bush. It hurt but the important thing to me was that I was happy; I was in my zone, my group continued to cheer me on, and I felt as though the mountain and moment belonged to me – and nothing else but that existed.
Sadly, my family are not getting on so well, and this has been a struggle. Luckily on week days I will only see them all at meal times and evenings, as we are all in different ski classes. Yesterday however, was painful, although I got through with so many emotions peaking at a 3 or 4 out of 5, instead of full blown breaking down.
I have been using so many skills with them it is actually laughable, and I genuinely think that if I hadn’t been, my emotions would have escalated to a 5/5 and I would have ended up behaving ineffectively – or flying back to England 😉. It has made me have faith in the DBT skills I have learnt because boy have I needed them at my disposal.
For example, being on a mountainside full of snow, I am able to use TIPP and ice-dive pretty much whenever things get heated. Yesterday I took space from my family and calmed the anger by ice-diving on four separate occasions. In fact, when my 12 year old sister was struggling with her own difficulties, I made ice-diving into a fun competition of “Who can keep their face in the snow for the longest?”, and we did it together until she was more regulated, too.
All in all, I am really throwing myself into the skiing experience, whilst taking space and time from my family if I need to, to make sure that the holiday really is as much of a holiday as it can be. Skiing makes me so happy on a level that is rare for me, and so I don’t want to let anything get in the way of my joy and good spirits lingering.
I guess positivity and positive emotions perpetuate themselves, just like negative ones do, because I actually am happy enough right now that I feel as though maybe I deserve to be happy, after all.