I love my family but there is no justification for what is going on in this house right now.
My mum is away and I have been ordered to stay at my Dad’s so that I am not alone, but it is not helping me in the slightest. If anything it is making me worse.
Everyone is arguing, one sister is screaming the house down, the neighbours are complaining, everyone is on edge, my other sister is being yelled at simply for existing because the parents are so stressed out, I have taken up smoking again and am hiding in my bedroom trying to breathe and block out the noise from downstairs, unable to get hold of my therapist, not coping with this atmosphere at all.
I am 100% safer being alone at my mum’s house than being here in this toxic environment right now. But I am stuck here with nowhere to go because if I leave, my dad will assume the worst and have yet another thing to cause him worry. And I am tired of being the cause of people’s worry. Especially when I know what’s best for me, and when that isn’t in line with what they believe. I just want to disappear.
I feel so trapped. I don’t have a home. I need a secure base, somewhere I feel safe. I just need out, but there is no where for me to go.