There is a DBT worksheet on values which we went through in group today. It reminded me of some of the things I truly value in life which I haven’t been attending to very kindly for a while.
The value I am struggling to generate action for is with regards to relationships; to creating new ones, maintaining old ones and ridding my life of unhealthy ones.
I really value having people in my life and need the connections I do have with the people close to me very much. However, I struggle with “normal” healthy typical friendships and a lot of the friends I do have I’ve met solely through mental-health-related means and sometimes this is what the relationship centres on.
There are many pros of this of course and I care about these people hugely, but I also recognise the importance in generating other types of connections in my life. For example, so that I can extend my identity to one beyond the disorder (BPD) I let define me.
I outlined 3 goals in group which I would like to work on:
- Rekindling old friendships with those I’ve faded from over the years
- Create new meaningful connections via non-mental-health-related means
- Get a boyfriend
As for the first, I am in the process of arranging a reunion with my primary school friendship group of 6 girls. It will hopefully be at some point over the Easter break and at least for a few hours. In the meantime I have texted 2 of them in an attempt to get the ball rolling, and the other night met up with one of them for the first times in months for just over an hour.
As for the second, I have been looking on meetup.com for social events I can go to where I can meet new people. My social anxiety is getting in the way of translating these intentions into actions, however a friend from my DBT group said she would like to do the same, so we are going to try and find an event we can go to together. I also plan to join more societies next year at university and stop saying no to event invitations.
The third bit about the boyfriend is a bit of a joke. It is also not a joke but I shall leave this one for now! (I am massively avoidant with this kind of stuff)
It can be very hard to know that despite the fact that meaningful connections are one of the most important things to me in life, they are also something I struggle with immensely. It is a bit of a paradox because the thing I crave and need the most, is also something I fear massively and want to avoid and hide from for ever.
I just have to keep reminding myself that the longer I put off the little steps, the no closer I am to my long term goals, and the more time I am losing to proscrastinating.
It is so much easier to spend my time staying in, studying, babysitting, communicating via social media or sticking to the few face to face interactions I have in my life. But in an attempt to create this life worth living for myself, I have to start pushing myself to inch slowly beyond my comfort zone.