Interpersonal Paranoia is On Me

The thoughts the thoughts the thoughts; they will not stop – I cannot escape them.

Everyone hates me, I have no friends, I have no one, I have messed up again, everything I do is wrong, I am evil, the universe is out to get me, I am trying so hard but it is backfiring, I am a burden, I am exhausting, my friends cannot deal with me, they don’t want me in their life, I should die, I cause more harm than good, is this all a test? Is this real or am I imagining things again? X is angry with me, X is not replying on purpose, X knows it will impact me, X wants me to suffer, X is choosing them over me, X prefers them, X hates me, everyone hates me, they are doing this on purpose, this is all about me, the world is out to get me, this is all a set up, they know, they think I’m insane, I am insane, I am delusional, I am losing my mind. I need to die.
And on and on and on.

Worry thoughts, black and white thoughts, catastrophic thoughts, magnifying, jumping to conclusions, judgments. Or are they? It feels so real and grounded in evidence. I don’t even know any more. 

Checking the facts doesn’t work because I don’t know what is real and what is not.

I just know that this is no way to live and I cannot do relationships like this any more. I really, really need help with this.

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10 thoughts on “Interpersonal Paranoia is On Me

  1. Would doing a thought record help? Like evidence for and against the thoughts you’re having and then trying to come up with a balanced view? Remember the STOP technique too. Try to take a step back, Teflon mind, and remember you are not your thoughts.

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      • For tonight maybe just try STOP, TIP and distraction techniques and try to think about it more with a thought record tomorrow after some sleep. Sounds like you need to calm yourself down before you can tackle it using your wise mind. Remember I’m sure you’ve got through similar times before so you can do it again. Maybe try some deep breathing if that helps you. And you’re more than welcome. I’m also in recovery from DBT. It’s a tough journey but it is possible to come out the other side. Don’t give up yet 😊

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      • Thank you so much I am a lot calmer now, did ice diving after crying and not making sense for over an hour to my mum who is equally as confused and concerned as I was…. Sleeping in her bed now as wasn’t feeling particularly safe, focusing on breathing and trying to get to sleep. Will speak to my therapist tomorrow although the paranoia is extending to her also. Your kind messages mean so much to me. My mum has no clue what to do with me I think she realises I’m more messed up than she thought as tonight I really expressed all the internal stuff she rarely gets to see….. Thank you

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      • You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re feeling calmer now. Well done for expressing how you’re feeling to your mum. I bet she really appreciates you opening up to her and it will help her to understand how you feel. Talking to your therapist tomorrow is a great idea. Remember your paranoia is just that, paranoia. Your therapist can’t hate you or ignore you because she’s professional and she wouldn’t be in that job if she didn’t care. Well done for putting in strategies to keep yourself safe tonight. I know it may feel like a failure feeling this way but try to look at the massive achievements you’ve made tonight…talking to your mum, using DBT techniques, putting things in place to keep yourself safe, recognising that your thoughts are paranoia even if you can’t make sense of them, even crying is a positive as its expressing your emotions in a safe manner. I hope you feel better after a good rest and your therapist can help you think through things tomorrow.

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      • But I don’t know if it is paranoia or not, I can’t work it out because I don’t know what’s real so have no firm grounding to either confirm nor deny my thoughts. It feels more real than not. Sometimes I feel ignored by my therapist, but I know she doesn’t mean to, it’s just hard to portray the extent of what I go through when struggling. She often thinks I’m being willful when I’m just being desperate. Your message is so kind and I will try and focus on some of those achievements as well. I really appreciate it. Thank you…

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  2. I just wanted to say, wow, thankU xxx Your words are so validating, I experience this state often and am unable to articulate it and often think it impossible for others to understand… the state further cementing my barriers to others in a continuous torturous cycle… I think you are so wonderful for creating this blog and sharing your experiences. What a beautiful gift you have ❤ I'm so grateful for your openness and generosity… you have helped me immensely! ThankU for sharing your journey xxx You are doing so well… moving mountains! I know! I hear you! Just keep swimming little fish ❤ you are working miracles xxxx

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