An Existential Stream of Consciousness

An unedited, uncensored, rambling stream of consciousness, based on the concept of a ‘dual reality’, which we discussed today at university:

“As humans, we are the only animals to exist in a somewhat dual reality. There is an objective reality out there, which includes food, nature, animals, breeding, evolution and survival. And there is a fictional reality – the one which we have created for ourselves – which comprises technology, education, economics, politics and so many other abstract concepts.

How profound is that in this fictional reality, we assign so much value to constructs that don’t even exist objectively? We attribute so much meaning to pieces of paper and gold coins which have become pivotal to life in this day and age. We have become suffocated by rules and ways of life – go to school, get a job, make money, vote – rules that dictate what you can do and what you can’t. Rules that tell us how to live a life that we have little say over in the first place.

If you don’t follow one rule, another rule is in place to punish. If you try and break free from the confines of modern day society, many of the consequences are poverty, ostracism and disdain. In order to survive in this world, we are forced to become part of this fictional reality. We become so enmneshed with it and so part of it that we no longer realise how very fictional it is. We live our lives in the fantasy world of seeking, striving and greed. Everything we do we do with the intention of an outcome. And we keep striving until we die.

We die before we have really lived. We die still a participant of the fictional reality we have spent our lives trapped in. We die having missed out of the experiences we take for granted because we were too busy trying to survive in the fictional world by accumulating money, possessions, status. 

In the objective world, the future doesn’t need to exist. The objective world is about living in the moment. It is about what is really around us and what is real around us. It is about nature and breathing and animals and sex; it is about hunting and eating and running and laughing; it is about being one with nature, immersing ourselves within it instead of building machines for ourselves that separate us from it. 

The ironic thing is, as we build this fictional world up around us, objective reality becomes more fragile and further away. The deeper we get into this imaginal world we have created, the more the true world and everything in it suffers. The things that exist in objective reality (nature, animals, rainforests) become dependent on the human species’ fictional reality. The more we as humans consume, the more the rest of the natural world suffers.

Sometimes I question my existence – our existence – for these reasons. I feel like we are all robots living in a fake world of constructed predetermined norms. Nothing really exists except getting places, always getting places. We forget how to live. We don’t look up any more, our heads are always somewhere else, whether directed at a screen, or fantasising about more imaginary concepts. 

We are so far from reality that we have no idea what reality even is any more. I want to break free from the confines of culture and societal norms, politics and policies, education and expectations, technology and economics. I want to go and live in a tribe in the rainforest, away from the built up world we have used and taken when it really was not ours to take. I want to be naked and free, I want to exchange love and experiences, not money nor possessions. I want to feel alive, a part of my own life, a part of the real objective reality of the world.

But the worst part in all this, is that despite thinking this way and knowing what I want on one level, I also know that nothing will change. I have been conditioned and moulded and I am part of the human culture and life force simply because I was born. And in order to survive – in the only way I know how to – I will continue on this path of studying and working, of living in a fictional reality, towards job seeking, money-making, money-saving, house-buying, mortgage-paying. I will continue turning up to a life that doesn’t really feel like my own, just because it has become about having a means to an end. I will study for a certificate that means nothing to me, I will work for money that means nothing to me, I will vote for causes and conflicts that only exist because of our own doing and the fictional reality we are a part of. I will continue using public transport, electricity and a mobile phone. I will not be free nor naked nor brave nor alone with my ultimate humanness, because I do not know how to be. I will do what I do and know what I know, as a 21st century modern society over-thinking human, so that I too can survive in this increasingly commercialised, competitive but non-sensical world. 

But that’s exactly what life has become, hasn’t it? Life isn’t about living any more. Life has become about surviving.”

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