Just Another ‘Therapy Dream’

A had a dream that my therapist had a break down and could no longer work with me. In the dream she was crying her eyes out, bawling in front of a handful of her patients, telling us about how she could not manage all these things any more. 

I asked her “Can I ask you a question?”, and when she nodded I said “When you feel this distressed and have this much going on, do you know how to cope or does it make you want to end it all?” 

She replied that for the first time in her life, she was indeed thinking along those lines. She also admitted that she finally felt she could understand what it must be like to be me.

She said that her limits had lowered and that she wouldn’t be able to see me any more, as the torrential tears continued. I left dazed, in shock, angry as hell but refusing to let myself really feel it because I knew rationally that it wasn’t her fault – and I was deeply sad for her. Nevertheless, the prospect of losing my therapist felt like a stab in the heart. In the next part of the dream I was hanging on for dear life from a rocky bridge made of slippery plastic sheets, above a 100m drop over rapid waters.  

I woke up shaken. I have never seen my therapist as vulnerable as I saw her in my dream. I feel the need to text her, to reach out and ask her if she is okay; or to seek reassurance that isn’t leaving me. (I won’t, of course – it was ‘just a dream’.)

Dreams are funny things. I dream so vividly that I often cannot differentiate between the dream state and reality, even when I am lucid and ask myself “Am I dreaming?” within them. My body feels the same sensations it would feel as if it were really happening, and I wake up in the emotional state I left the dream within.

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6 thoughts on “Just Another ‘Therapy Dream’

      • I just hope it doesn’t cause you a downer, as I reckon most of us probably dread the end of therapy with that wonderful warm crutch that’s always there for us – so comforting, so unjudgemental and all that…….but knowing the day will come, it was good to read this……with all that said, I guess all therapists have different ways of finishing up with a client….I’m yet to get to that point (after 1 year), but I reckon cold turkey would be very hard, even though therapy only finishes when we’ve achieved all we need…I find it an interesting topic about therapy and attachment, (it is SOOOOOOO BPD), and enjoy reading your thoughts and experiences. It reminds me I’m not alone in my perspectives, even if they are often muddly minded/distorted thoughts….let me know what you think anyways.. 🙂

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      • Yep I’m no where near ending therapy yet but still the prospect in itself in daunting enough. Thanks so much for sharing and relating. I found the article and perspective really helpful. You are most certainly not alone! :)!

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  1. I just read it again (was rushing earlier) and for some reason had a different response. Maybe it’s because the endings the author talks about were of relationships which were much more short term, or because their issues seem different to mine. I don’t know. I think maybe I’m doing my usual “I’m different”/ “that doesn’t fit for me”/ “no one understands quite what it’s like for me struggling with my attachment difficulties”, etc. Maybe it’s just because I had a bit of a rupture with my therapist today/ am feeling shame about that. I don’t know. I can’t really think about it right now; so much shit is going down in therapy! 😦

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