(See this post here, as a reference)
I saw my therapist and discussed everything I was freaking out about in relation to her, over recent days. It is now entirely resolved, believe it or not. Turns out that I read into the situation far too much – she actually works from home half the week and the reasons my friend saw her at that location as an alternative were logistical. She apparently would have no problem with me seeing her at her home office, if I needed to. I still have all the feelings of jealousy and upset; I don’t want anyone apart from me to have the ‘privilege’ of going to her house. But it is much less than it was considering the new information and the reassuring discussion we had.
We talked about how much pain this stuff causes me and she validated my feelings – as well as my need to have my feelings validated. We talked about how invisible my pain is now that I’m not engaging in target behaviours and she validated and reinforced how far I’ve come in terms of that and how proud she is of me for communicating directly and effectively with her.
I really appreciated my pain being seen by her because it reinforced that talking about my difficulties can get results, and that I don’t have to act my pain out like I used to in order to be taken seriously. I also tried so hard not to use any judgments and she seemed encouraged by my efforts as I struggle with this usually and it can get pretty frustrating for her. I was relieved to hear her expressing her pride in me more overtly, which is exactly the reinforcement I need.
I’ve gone straight back to loving her again – splitting really is at its finest. I miss her so much again and crave her constant support. Heck, I miss her even when I am with her. It’s a whole other kind of painful, this is.
As an aside, I decided to do a DEARMAN to my friend and as a result we will no longer be discussing our therapist in any way. She took is really well and also validated my struggle and I love her immensely.
Today has been a skilful day, overall.