One Of Those Nights

(To be sung through sniffles and tears to the tune of “Show me the way to go home”)

Show me the way to feel okay
I’m tired and I want to feel at peace
I had another breakdown about an hour ago
And it’s really fucking up my Chi

Wherever I may be
In my bed, on the floor, or in my dreams
Existential suffering is stalking me
And I’m tearing at the seams

Show me how to stop the tears
I’m hopeless and drowning in my fears
Not sure how much longer I can take this for
It’s been like this for years

Wherever I may be
It is never far away enough from me
I can always rely on my bloody BPD
To strip me of all my sanity

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11 thoughts on “One Of Those Nights

  1. I’m praying for you – that there’s someone (friend, family member) you can talk to. Please know that I care about you. More importantly, the One who created you, God, loves and cares for you. You can always talk to Him for He is your Abba (Daddy). He will listen to you and calm your fears and you can rest in His arms. He will never leave you nor forsake you. I know this is the Truth because God is always there for me, if I will quiet my heart long enough to listen to His still, small voice. May you sleep peacefully knowing He is there with you. God bless you this night and always. Ellen

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  2. I’m glad others responded to your post. I was very concerned for you after I read your post and I have been praying for you. BPD is a monster and we who are afflicted by it need to use all the tools we have to keep it at bay. We all need to remember that we are NOT this illness. We have it, yes, but it doesn’t have us or define who we are. We are people who are worthy of respect, love, self-care and we have self-worth just like anyone else. (I think many people, not just the mentally ill, struggle with self-worth.) When I lash out in rage or hatred or fear at myself or others, it takes me an inordinate amount of effort to bring myself back to being “even” as I call it. I need to remember to use the tools I have to stop myself before I go into a full-blown episode or step out of something I’m already in. I hope everyone with BPD will know this someday.

    I wasn’t trying to burden you with religion with my previous comment, but lift you up to Him where burdens are lifted and replaced with light, love and peace that can live within you. I hope your heart can sing today, if just for a moment. 🕊❤️

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    • Thanks so much. I am okay, that post was just one of many (all in different mood states) on my blog, and I didn’t mean to worry you. I did use skills and such and am doing better today, although it’s up and down as I’m sure you know. Sounds like you’re working super hard, keep it up lovely x

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